This tale was originally posted on my old site www.thewalkerhomeplace.com back in January. Given its popularity I have decided to repost it here.
After two solid weeks of recovering from jet lag, a process that was prolonged due the competitive projectile vomiting contests my wife and daughter were having, I was in need of a laugh. Not a chuckle, not a smirk, not a “ha, ha, I will laugh more later when I have time.” I am talking about a full blown, fall on the floor, roar with laughter and maybe pee your pants a little too episode.
Fortunately I have two friends that delivered in an instant messaging exchange that can’t be repeated or directly quoted at this time. Not to worry I will not leave you hanging. But before we get to the real entertainment, I am wondering if you saw the article on CNN about some idiot savant that uses an equation to figure out when the most depressing day of the year is. The good news: that day has already passed this year. The really good news: you aren’t that guy!
So with that said, here are four things that I have found funny since arriving back in Japan
Sweets
The word “sweets” can be somewhat loaded when found in a phrase like this: Famous Japanese Sweets. It is a common practice to give sweets as gifts to co-workers/friends after visiting a 
place known for its famous Japanese sweets. One of my wife’s co-workers approached her yesterday and asked if she had had any of the okashi (sweets) that someone had brought and left in their staff room. My wife immediately said no and pointed out that she didn’t care for that kind of okashi because it had anko (sweetened red bean paste…although in this case it was the white version of the sweetened red bean paste) in it. The co-worker insisted that my wife go look at them for the English description on them. It has been quite awhile since we have run into an English translation that manages to make sense and be utterly bizarre at the same time. (For the record, our daughter ate and loved the okashi.
The spirit and romance and fancy of the okashi? OK, whatever.
Suica
Japan Railways Trains (JR lines) sells a renewable fare card. The card is called a Suica card. Suica, for the record, means watermelon in Japanese. The mascot for the Suica card is a penguin. A Suica card can also be used to purchase food, drinks and other items at selected vending machines, kiosks and stores found in or near JR stations. The latest innovation is that some cell phones can be programmed with your Suica account information, so that by swiping your cell phone over a pad on the vending machines, kiosks and stores the amount is automatically deducted from your account. This is revolutionary in a cash based society that is still squeamish about credit cards. Now, as the latest commercial shows, you can swipe your phone over the pad in the turnstiles as you enter/exit a station. So here is a 14 second clip of the commercial that involves the happy Suica penguin playing his cell phone like a guitar…what’s not to love.
Domo visits Xandu
When visiting the United States, folks often tell me how they enjoyed this or that snippit of a tale I have written. One friend regularly uses the word “Domo” in his workplace now. Not because he wants to tell people “thank you” or sound like Styx. He uses it instead to call his underlings what they are: “dumbasses!” Apparently a growing percentage of middle management personnel are seeking out more PC ways of calling people idiots to their face. Clearly “domo” is more PC than “dumbass.
Turns out Domo is the mascot for the NHK broadcasting company here in Japan. I think he looks like a fuzzy molded piece of poop. Apparently this isn’t offensive to the larger Japanese population. It is probably because of Olivia Newton John, but I have to say, fuzzy brown things dancing with cheerleaders to Xanadu….pretty daggon funny! (By the way, Domo-kun, as he is lovingly called here, has a fascinating life story.
Yoshinoya 24
All this laughing is making me hungry. I think I have a hunkering for some gyudon. If you ever find yourself in Tokyo, there are two restaurant chains I will guarantee that you will see everywhere: McDonalds and Yoshinoya 24. Yoshinoya 24 is open twenty-four hours a day, and it is most rare to find one that isn’t packed. They sell a number of different items but are best known for their curry and gyudon. Japanese curry tends to have a less intense taste with a hint of sweetness. Japanese curry is frequently served with cheese, which will cost a little more, but its worth it. There other specialty is gyudon which is a bowl of rice with stewed slices of beef and onions on top.
In a huge scandal, two cooks at a Yoshinaya 24 recently brought a video camera to work and filmed a radical experiment: they wanted to see how many servings of beef they could pile on top of a rice bowl. I hope I am not spoiling the ending of this clip, but the answer is six.
I will occasionally eat at a Yoshinaya 24. My impression is that the staff are some of the dullest people I have ever met. Ever wonder what happens to the people that don’t smile enough to work at McDonald’s? I will tell you what happens in Japan, they get jobs at a Yoshinoya 24.
Anyway, the corporate people where horrified, publicly stating that it is awful to treat food this way. Ironic given they sponsor gyudon eating contests. Ironic since this stuff should be called gyudon grenades as these things are guaranteed to explode in an unkind way about 28 minutes after you eat there. The employees have been discovered and have been fired. Personally I think the manager should be fired because A. I have never seen an empty Yoshinoya 24, so clearly he is doing something wrong; and, B. What was he doing hiring people that were creative and had a sense of humor. I would so be putting this on my resume if I were them: Stacked beef in gyodon at Yoshinoya 24, made video and got fired. Heck, I might just invite them over to play in the kitchen next time I need a good laugh.